I hate your face
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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