hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
