She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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