If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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