I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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