Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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