there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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