I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
