somebody snuck up and got me drunk
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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