Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
