just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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