guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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