dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
