god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
