I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
