1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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