But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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