You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
