The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
