I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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