i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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