you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
