my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
