I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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