Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize