By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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