there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
