Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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