My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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