Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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