sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
