I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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