rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My vagina is officially offended.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize