so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
