the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
