He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Thank you for not boning my boss.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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