We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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