I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
