it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
