i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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