So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
