I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I have tasted many bathrooms
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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