So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
