You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
