I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize