Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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