So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
