I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
