I hate all girls vehemently.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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