i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
