everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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