Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
