She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
