so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You were trust falling into bushes
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
