Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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