Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just found a bag of teeth...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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