The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
