I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
