took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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