I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
wanna go halves on a baby?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
