Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize