I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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