the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
