I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
