it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
