Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
