Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
